That is what my mom always says about yard sales. We never did them growing up because my mom was too proud to sell her old stuff for people's hard-earned money. I don't do yard sales either, but I do peruse craigslist frequently. Daily. I am de-junking my house and have a pile of stuff no one else wants, so I thought I'd post them on craigslist.com in case someone wanted it. The moral of this story for me is, after all is said and done, just take it to Deseret Industries.
I posted a laptop bag on craigslist for five dollars and a few minutes later I got an email from a girl named Ashley. Here is the conversation we had regarding the bag:
Ashley (7:35 pm) - Can I get one of those
Me (7:43) - Yes, what did you want?
Ashley (7:48) - Can I get it [link to laptop bag]?
Me (9:10) - Yes. What time do you want to come look at or come get it?
Ashley (9:26) - Do you go to isu
Me (9:29) - Not this semester but if it's easier to meet on campus I can do that. just let me know.
Ashley (9:31) - Ok well do you go to work or where do you live at
Me (9:51) - Nope, I have all day off except for 11:00. do you know where the Institute building is? If you want we can meet in the parking lot since it's pretty central. If you have a better place let me know and we can make it work.
Ashley (9:53) - Ok
Me (10:09) - What time would be best for you? It'd me easier for me to do after lunch, around 1 or 2 or whenever.
Ashley (10:13) - Ya at two
(After pulling into the institute building at 2:05 pm, I run into my brother Richard and we chat. He can't believe I'm actually meeting someone for $5. I realize how dumb this all is and bust up laughing uncontrollably. )
Me (2:12 pm Today) - Sorry I'm late. I'm parked in the five minute parking spot if you're still here.
(I wait......wait......don't see her or hear back.......So around 2:25 I drive away.
Ashley (3:07 Today) - Sorry I just got done with class
I had to hold back the urge to email her something snarky back for basically putting me on a goose chase for nothing. But I didn't.
I also posted some lamps on craigslist. A lady really wanted them and emailed me instantly. She was supposed to come get them at 11:00 am this morning, so I got up extra early to clean up and tidy up our disaster of a house right now (dejunk everywhere). 11:00 rolls around. 11:30 rolls around. 12:00 comes and goes. And nothing. She never shows up or emails me. I email her and tell her to let me know if she wants them still. Still haven't heard back.
On Saturday, I found cute side tables on craigslist so I emailed the seller and asked if they were available. He emailed back saying we could meet Monday before 1:00 pm. I emailed him and told him I could meet him at 11:00. No response. Monday morning comes. Still no response. Finally I texted him at noon and asked if I could still come get the tables. Seven hours later he replies "hey, sorry I've been moving all day. the tables are in Rexburg now. Do you ever come up to Rexburg?"
Again, I had to resist the urge to say something snarky. Instead I said nothing. I don't plan to respond to him and I don't plan to respond to Ashley and if the lamp lady chooses to write back, I probably won't respond to her either.
My day was basically wasted, so to put myself in a good mood, I went to JoAnn's and bought a bunch of cute fabric. I'm taking all my goods and going straight to DI tomorrow. God Bless the DI.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I needed this
As I mentioned in the Baby Blog (<--), we came home June 16th, 2011. Almost two months has passed and I haven't had a chance to sit down and give my momma blog some lovin'.
I love being a mom. I love the schedule. I don't get tons of sleep, but I love having the day to myself and Sawyer. First time in my life I haven't worked and/or gone to school. Do I miss it? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get antsy and look for jobs online or look at classes for school to sign up for, and after a few minutes I realize I'm a stay at home mom for the time being. Classes and jobs will always be there. These moments with Sawyer as an infant won't. He needs me. I need this. I spent the last year either really sick, in school, or living alone in SLC for 5 months waiting to take my baby home. I am allowing myself to take a break and be "just a mom."
I love not being sick. I had to speak in church last Sunday and the topic was "Be of Good Cheer." I thought at first I could relate it to how I had to be happy and cheerful while in the hospital because it was either be happy or be grumpy, so I chose happy. And I'm glad I did. But as I read the article, it focused more on the atonement, and thoughts of my experience last summer flooded into my mind. Despite my goals to be strong, I bawled during the talk. But I gained closure on why I had to be so ill for so long. After Sawyer was born, I experienced a happiness and joy I have never known before, and I will experience that happiness forever more.
I love being a homemaker. I read DIY blogs ALL DAY LONG! I fantasize about the cape-cod style home I will hopefully create in a 1970's orange brick house with zero character on a modest budget. I still daydream about living in the house we lived in prior to this one. That house had character and didn't need as much work as ours now. If it's for sale when our 1 1/2 years is up, we're buying it. Even though our house is decent and finally livable, I'm counting down the days until we can move out.
I love feeling needed, by my husband and Sawyer. I cook and clean and do laundry all day long. It's always been something I particularly love to do. I reward myself with an occasional schmear from 5th Street Bagelry. Nothing compares to 5th Street Bagelry.
I love watching Gone With the Wind in installments. 30 Rock, the Office, Backyardigans, and Ally McBeal.
I love to get back in touch with friends and keep in touch with friends from Primary's. Never before have I valued my friendships as much as I do now. It's awesome that I can text my primary nurses if I have a question or just want to say Hi. I have an awesome support system.
I love our ward, and I love that church is a 30 second drive from home. The grocery store is 2 minutes away. Taylor's carpool meeting place is 5 minutes away. We are never too far from home at any given time.
I love summer, but I love that it's almost Fall and Winter. The prospects of staying inside where it's warm and safe and listening to Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles all day sound wonderful to me.
I love that Sawyer jabbers and giggles. I love when he smiles while he's drifting off to sleep, as if to say, "I love sleep soo much!!" I love daydreaming about our next baby, come sickness or high water or birth anomaly, it's gonna happen. I daydream about being able to breastfeed our next baby and be able to hold him/her close without wires or g-tubes in the way. Sometimes I daydream about a natural home birth, given I don't have polyhydramnious and can do a VBAC.
I love you five or six faithful readers who have encouraged me and gotten me through the past year. I vowed that I would return the favor for those who helped me through my first two trimesters but helping other pregnant moms out. It seriously made a huge impact on me. Thank you then and thank you now.
I am in a happy place. The church is true. Amen.
I love being a mom. I love the schedule. I don't get tons of sleep, but I love having the day to myself and Sawyer. First time in my life I haven't worked and/or gone to school. Do I miss it? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get antsy and look for jobs online or look at classes for school to sign up for, and after a few minutes I realize I'm a stay at home mom for the time being. Classes and jobs will always be there. These moments with Sawyer as an infant won't. He needs me. I need this. I spent the last year either really sick, in school, or living alone in SLC for 5 months waiting to take my baby home. I am allowing myself to take a break and be "just a mom."
I love not being sick. I had to speak in church last Sunday and the topic was "Be of Good Cheer." I thought at first I could relate it to how I had to be happy and cheerful while in the hospital because it was either be happy or be grumpy, so I chose happy. And I'm glad I did. But as I read the article, it focused more on the atonement, and thoughts of my experience last summer flooded into my mind. Despite my goals to be strong, I bawled during the talk. But I gained closure on why I had to be so ill for so long. After Sawyer was born, I experienced a happiness and joy I have never known before, and I will experience that happiness forever more.
I love being a homemaker. I read DIY blogs ALL DAY LONG! I fantasize about the cape-cod style home I will hopefully create in a 1970's orange brick house with zero character on a modest budget. I still daydream about living in the house we lived in prior to this one. That house had character and didn't need as much work as ours now. If it's for sale when our 1 1/2 years is up, we're buying it. Even though our house is decent and finally livable, I'm counting down the days until we can move out.
I love feeling needed, by my husband and Sawyer. I cook and clean and do laundry all day long. It's always been something I particularly love to do. I reward myself with an occasional schmear from 5th Street Bagelry. Nothing compares to 5th Street Bagelry.
I love watching Gone With the Wind in installments. 30 Rock, the Office, Backyardigans, and Ally McBeal.
I love to get back in touch with friends and keep in touch with friends from Primary's. Never before have I valued my friendships as much as I do now. It's awesome that I can text my primary nurses if I have a question or just want to say Hi. I have an awesome support system.
I love our ward, and I love that church is a 30 second drive from home. The grocery store is 2 minutes away. Taylor's carpool meeting place is 5 minutes away. We are never too far from home at any given time.
I love summer, but I love that it's almost Fall and Winter. The prospects of staying inside where it's warm and safe and listening to Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles all day sound wonderful to me.
I love that Sawyer jabbers and giggles. I love when he smiles while he's drifting off to sleep, as if to say, "I love sleep soo much!!" I love daydreaming about our next baby, come sickness or high water or birth anomaly, it's gonna happen. I daydream about being able to breastfeed our next baby and be able to hold him/her close without wires or g-tubes in the way. Sometimes I daydream about a natural home birth, given I don't have polyhydramnious and can do a VBAC.
I love you five or six faithful readers who have encouraged me and gotten me through the past year. I vowed that I would return the favor for those who helped me through my first two trimesters but helping other pregnant moms out. It seriously made a huge impact on me. Thank you then and thank you now.
I am in a happy place. The church is true. Amen.
Monday, May 30, 2011
30 day challenges are kinda hard
I'm so much happier being Private you have no idea!! I sleep much better at night. So Sawyer has had his BIG surgery and is on a breathing tube and heavily sedated at the moment. Sunday morning, at 8:00 am, they wheeled him into the operating room. At 9:30 the surgeon (love him) came back to tell us the magnets just aren't going to work. His esophagus ends don't line up and the tissue is thicker than anticipated. We gave it a good effort, but he had no other choice but to cut Sawyer open and put him together sans magnets. As hard as that was for us to accept, Taylor and I are just ready to get him fixed. It took 6 hours plus one hour to get him settled into his bed space and hooked up to the bedside machines. So we were finally able to see him around 3:30 pm. Taylor had to work today, so at 6:30 he blessed him, got in his car and drove back home, wiping tears from his eyes.
The game plan as we know it is as follows: Keep him heavily sedated (paralyzed) for 5 days, let him wake up on his own, take him off the breathing tube either this Friday or Saturday, do a contrast study to see if he swallows dye correctly, if he passes then we can introduce the bottle, starting at low volumes and working to a full feed. When he can take a full feed in one sitting, then we can freakin' go home. So we're talking, like, two or three more weeks. That's like a blink of an eye compared to what I'm used to. The clouds just opened up and a ray of sunshine is bursting through this rainy Memorial Day. Memorable indeed.
The game plan as we know it is as follows: Keep him heavily sedated (paralyzed) for 5 days, let him wake up on his own, take him off the breathing tube either this Friday or Saturday, do a contrast study to see if he swallows dye correctly, if he passes then we can introduce the bottle, starting at low volumes and working to a full feed. When he can take a full feed in one sitting, then we can freakin' go home. So we're talking, like, two or three more weeks. That's like a blink of an eye compared to what I'm used to. The clouds just opened up and a ray of sunshine is bursting through this rainy Memorial Day. Memorable indeed.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
brief pause from 30 day challenge
I've been meaning to go private for a while. Especially since I've had a baby. But I didn't want to exclude anybody and wanted to create a friendly forum that everyone and anyone could access and enjoy.
I never realized how sacred privacy is until now. It is HUGE here at Primary's. Everybody is hush-hush about patient information and it's an unwritten rule that privacy is upheld and respected. Don't ask, don't tell basically.
I have found some people are curious about what's happening with Sawyer and although I appreciate their concern, it sometimes comes across as intrusive. I canceled my Facebook account thinking that would solve that little problem. But that didn't quite work. I've learned that random people are telling other random people information from reading my blog and I just decided to cut my losses and go Private. So here goes.
Sawyer's repair surgery was yesterday, May 27th. It was supposed to be June 1, and Japanese surgeons were supposed to come watch, but they didn't have enough frequent flyer miles so they decided not to come after all. It took about two hours, but it was successful. The magnets attached the two ends, so it was only a matter of waiting a few days for the two ends to fuse together by force.
We received a call early this morning from Sawyer's surgeon. Sometime in the night or morning, the magnets came apart, so we have to try to align them again, but this time keep Sawyer heavily sedated for 4 or 5 days so they don't loosen or separate. He doesn't go in to get that done until tomorrow (Sunday) morning. For now, we are snuggling him and trying to keep him happy and comfortable with magnets lodged in his two ends. Since this is a fairly new procedure (Sawyer is one of the first babies in the world to have this done), there is a lot of trouble-shooting taking place. If at the end of the day the magnets won't hold or keep coming apart, then we will resort to conventional surgery, which is by far more intrusive and serious. I have faith in our surgeon, that he will do what's best for our child and do it in a timely manner that allows us to take him home and care for him at home.
I never realized how sacred privacy is until now. It is HUGE here at Primary's. Everybody is hush-hush about patient information and it's an unwritten rule that privacy is upheld and respected. Don't ask, don't tell basically.
I have found some people are curious about what's happening with Sawyer and although I appreciate their concern, it sometimes comes across as intrusive. I canceled my Facebook account thinking that would solve that little problem. But that didn't quite work. I've learned that random people are telling other random people information from reading my blog and I just decided to cut my losses and go Private. So here goes.
Sawyer's repair surgery was yesterday, May 27th. It was supposed to be June 1, and Japanese surgeons were supposed to come watch, but they didn't have enough frequent flyer miles so they decided not to come after all. It took about two hours, but it was successful. The magnets attached the two ends, so it was only a matter of waiting a few days for the two ends to fuse together by force.
We received a call early this morning from Sawyer's surgeon. Sometime in the night or morning, the magnets came apart, so we have to try to align them again, but this time keep Sawyer heavily sedated for 4 or 5 days so they don't loosen or separate. He doesn't go in to get that done until tomorrow (Sunday) morning. For now, we are snuggling him and trying to keep him happy and comfortable with magnets lodged in his two ends. Since this is a fairly new procedure (Sawyer is one of the first babies in the world to have this done), there is a lot of trouble-shooting taking place. If at the end of the day the magnets won't hold or keep coming apart, then we will resort to conventional surgery, which is by far more intrusive and serious. I have faith in our surgeon, that he will do what's best for our child and do it in a timely manner that allows us to take him home and care for him at home.
Monday, May 23, 2011
A picture and a letter
Dear food,
Remember that time I got sick whenever I tried to eat anything substantial? That was a really, really, really hard time for me, because not only did I love you, I needed you. It's not your fault that I kept throwing you up. Don't feel bad. Since January 13th, 2011 we have been on awesome terms. We meet up about 10 times a day and I am making up for lost time and wasted memories of what could have been a great, calorie-filled summer, complete with fourth of july bbq's, family reunions, and everyday outings to the restaurants I love. I am currently eating Swedish Fish, because I can, and because they are delicious. They fill my heart with joy and give me the energy to provide nourishment for my baby in the NICU. (Don't know if you heard my baby is in the NICU). Thank you, food, for pulling through and renewing my belief in your healing powers. Thank you for grilled cheese sandwiches and fried zucchini, two of my faves right now. I'm so thankful to be able to enjoy your existence again. God speed.
Forever yours,
Vanessa
Remember that time I got sick whenever I tried to eat anything substantial? That was a really, really, really hard time for me, because not only did I love you, I needed you. It's not your fault that I kept throwing you up. Don't feel bad. Since January 13th, 2011 we have been on awesome terms. We meet up about 10 times a day and I am making up for lost time and wasted memories of what could have been a great, calorie-filled summer, complete with fourth of july bbq's, family reunions, and everyday outings to the restaurants I love. I am currently eating Swedish Fish, because I can, and because they are delicious. They fill my heart with joy and give me the energy to provide nourishment for my baby in the NICU. (Don't know if you heard my baby is in the NICU). Thank you, food, for pulling through and renewing my belief in your healing powers. Thank you for grilled cheese sandwiches and fried zucchini, two of my faves right now. I'm so thankful to be able to enjoy your existence again. God speed.
Forever yours,
Vanessa
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| smittenkitchen.com |
Sunday, May 22, 2011
a picture of someone who inspires you
Monday, May 16, 2011
a picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
I'm not sure if this even applies to me right now in my life. But in highschool I was always doing stupid crap and I would show a picture of the person I did it with, but she would kill me if she accidentally came across this post....so instead I'm going to post a picture of a van we saw in the parking garage packed to the max with precious cargo.
a picture of something you love
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
a picture of your most treasured item
a picture of your favorite memory
Monday, May 9, 2011
a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
"This Woman's Work"
Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
a picture of the cast of your favorite show
It was a toss up.
I LOVE Felicity the most, Sex and the City as well, definitely LOST, Veronica Mars, Project Runway, and so on...but I can always count on F-R-I-E-N-D-S to make me laugh/smile.
I LOVE Felicity the most, Sex and the City as well, definitely LOST, Veronica Mars, Project Runway, and so on...but I can always count on F-R-I-E-N-D-S to make me laugh/smile.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
I quit facebook. blogger FTW
We found out this week that we will be spending more time than expected here. I'll expand more on that later. Don't worry--it is for a really good reason. But I need to fill my time doing fun things so that time flies. So I'm doing.....drumroll please..............The 30 Day Challenge.
Day 1. A picture of yourself with ten facts.
1. I am the middle child
2. I love cathedrals
3. I can do the splits
4. I admire people with a quiet confidence
5. I'm thrifty
6. I quit my diet coke habit
7. I've been told I look like a deer (yes the animal)
8. I like the smell of coffee and cigarettes.
9. I am a patient person
10. I want to have another baby....soon.
Day 1. A picture of yourself with ten facts.
2. I love cathedrals
3. I can do the splits
4. I admire people with a quiet confidence
5. I'm thrifty
6. I quit my diet coke habit
7. I've been told I look like a deer (yes the animal)
8. I like the smell of coffee and cigarettes.
9. I am a patient person
10. I want to have another baby....soon.
Monday, April 18, 2011
we'll get there, eventually.
I think I'm running on 2 hours of sleep in two days. Why? Because I have been anxiously waiting to find out if surgery is in Sawyer's near future. AND>>it's not. His surgeon is a very thorough man, and he felt that even though he is ready for surgery, he wants to wait another 4 weeks. Because once you go in and try to fix it, you can't go back, so he HAS to be 100% ready.
But then they brought up the idea of sending him home with us for 4 weeks, and bring him back for the surgery. I was all for that! I would love to go home with my precious baby. A bit premature? Yes. All I knew was it's what I wanted to do, and I know I could take care of him. I'm sooo done with the hospital scene. I'm ready to lounge around in my pj's and belt out songs and watch Mad Men reruns on Netflix and do the things you do with a baby in the solitude of your own home. The staff pep-talked me and said they'd get stuff together to send us home.
And then it hit. Early this morning at 2 am, somewhere between a mug of sleepy time herbal tea and a trip to the potty-- I'm not ready to take him home. Such a huge responsibility that I'm not sure I'm ready for. So I called the NICU and told them he needs to stay. He is where he needs to be, however long it takes, even though everyone has complete confidence that it would work.
By some sweet mercy, the surgeon called me this morning. The first words out of his mouth were "Let's not send him home. I've been thinking about it all night and he needs to stay in the hospital."
We don't know why exactly, but Sawyer is going to stay here, with the nurses who know and LOVE him and will watch his suction thingy diligently. We must have angels watching over us.
But then they brought up the idea of sending him home with us for 4 weeks, and bring him back for the surgery. I was all for that! I would love to go home with my precious baby. A bit premature? Yes. All I knew was it's what I wanted to do, and I know I could take care of him. I'm sooo done with the hospital scene. I'm ready to lounge around in my pj's and belt out songs and watch Mad Men reruns on Netflix and do the things you do with a baby in the solitude of your own home. The staff pep-talked me and said they'd get stuff together to send us home.
And then it hit. Early this morning at 2 am, somewhere between a mug of sleepy time herbal tea and a trip to the potty-- I'm not ready to take him home. Such a huge responsibility that I'm not sure I'm ready for. So I called the NICU and told them he needs to stay. He is where he needs to be, however long it takes, even though everyone has complete confidence that it would work.
By some sweet mercy, the surgeon called me this morning. The first words out of his mouth were "Let's not send him home. I've been thinking about it all night and he needs to stay in the hospital."
We don't know why exactly, but Sawyer is going to stay here, with the nurses who know and LOVE him and will watch his suction thingy diligently. We must have angels watching over us.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
April update
So Sawyer had a scope test on Monday to measure the distance between the ends of his upper and lower esophagus. They are approximately 1 cm apart, so surgeons are starting to talk about repair. Sawyer's surgeon is a genius (and won Doctor of the Year this year), so I'm really confident that he'll do his very best with Sawyer's case. Instead of repairing him conventionally, the surgery team wants to fix him with magnets! Imagine that. With one magnet in the upper pouch and one in the lower pouch, the magnets with bring the two together, and over time will force the tissue to meld together. Brilliant! Never heard of it in my life, but it's been done in Japan to fix intestinal and anal atresia. It will be the first case at Primary Children's, so we're all kind of anxious, hoping it really works. So, to illustrate better, this is a normal esophagus
After 3 months of waiting and growing, the two ends are finally almost touching. Surgery is on the schedule for next week sometime. It takes about 3-4 weeks to completely connect on its own. Until then.....we'll just keep busy being the cool kids in the NICU.
And Sawyer has an esophagus like this
Sunday, March 20, 2011
a baby story
I need to blog and catch everyone up to date. I just knew it would take forever to do, and I have zero free time being a new mommy. But my dad is here at the hospital today sitting with Sawyer and now I have an opportunity to write.
Soo...Rewind to December 28th.
I was a month away from my original due date. I had an appointment with Dr. Cox and all went well until he measured my belly. He was concerned with how big I was measuring for 35 weeks. I of course instantly thought it was because I was carrying twins. Ha! He scheduled me for an ultrasound to double check that the baby was ok. I wasn't too worried. Ha again! So I went home to take a nap, then went back to the office with my mom this time. During the ultrasound, everything looked great. Just one baby. My heart dropped slightly. But the baby looked healthy and active, which is all I needed to know. Just as we were wrapping things up, the ultrasound technician noticed the baby didn't have a visible stomach. In fact, not once in the 30 mins did she notice amniotic fluid being swallowed. So she kept me for another hour to carefully watch his swallowing and trace the amniotic fluid. An hour later, he hadn't swallowed anything and his belly never filled with fluid. That probably meant there was a blockage somewhere. Not exactly sure, she then referred me to a perinatologist (high-risk specialist) at the University of Utah Medical Center to get a better idea of what was wrong. To say the least, this turned my world upside down. Just as soon as I was starting to feel better, I get this news. Two days later Taylor and I go see the doctor in Utah. Long story short, he basically tells me to plan on staying in Utah until the baby comes because I was then considered "high-risk" and the baby probably, most likely, had Esophageal Atresia. Good news about EA is it's completely fixable and there was nothing to be worried about. Completely, 99.9% fixable. Thank goodness. Ha!
I packed my bags and left Pocatello on January 4th with my mom. Luckily we had an awesome place to stay for the 6 weeks we were expecting to be here. Ha Ha. Six weeks! So I lounged around for a week. Because I was retaining A LOT of amniotic fluid, I was Huge. Ginormous. I had a snail's pace and slept very poorly because I couldn't breathe easily. My next appointment was January 10th with the specialist. The first thing out of his mouth was "you're huge. you're as big as a house. let's get you induced tonight." UMM Two weeks early!? OK! Sure!
So, that's the reader's digest version of learning that our lives would never be the same.
I won't divulge into the actual birth story, because it was a nightmare.
So our precious baby Sawyer Jackson Grow was born January 12, and he did indeed have Esophageal Atresia. By the way, we decided on the name the night before he was born. We are so indecisive, but Sawyer felt right. I got to hold him about an hour after he was born. I looked horrible, but hey, I had been through hell to get him here. I was beyond happy to finally meet him. NOTHING compares to the first moments they place your child in your arms. NOTHING. He had a suction in his mouth to suck out spit since he couldn't swallow. He was asleep and calm. I kissed his little head and face until I had to hand him back to the nurse so they could wheel me back to the recovery room. That was the beginning of me having to surrender my child to a nurse's care, but only for 6 weeks, right?
The first week was a blur. I just remember the doctors and nursing staff giving us an abundance of information to process, and I was just trying to get over the fact that I had just been cut in half to get a little person out of my body. I lost 40 lbs in the first two weeks, which apparently was all amniotic fluid weight. It felt good to have my body back. We received the news that Sawyer had Long Gap Esophageal Atresia, so if you want to google it, you can learn more about it. It's the least common type of EA, and a pain in the butt in the sense that we'd have to stay in the hospital to let his esophagus grow long enough before it can be fixed. So all that talk of 6 weeks was a bunch of crap, as we are going on 10 weeks, with at least another 6 to go. The average stay in the NICU is 3-4 weeks. Multiply that by 3 and that's what we get to endure.
You know when you expect to be able to bond with your newborn after you spend 9 months carrying them around in your womb? You know how you don't expect to see your baby hooked up to several machines with an IV line in their tiny hand? It sucks in ways I never expected it to suck, on top of having to deal with his condition. It took about three weeks, but I was finally able to really bond with Sawyer, able to really hold and cuddle him. The first time his eyes got huge when he heard my voice was amazing. He knows and needs and prefers his mommy. That's been the crescendo to this whole experience. I have officially assigned myself as his "nurse." First thing in the morning, around 8 or 9 am, I am at his bedside and the nurses know that I stay all day, only taking breaks to pump, eat, or to leave during mandatory shift-changes where parents aren't allowed in the rooms. Even though I get to go home and sleep uninterrupted during the night, it's pretty rough walking away from him night after night.
Longest post ever. sorry. He was born 5 lbs 2 oz and currently weighs 8 lbs 3 oz. His esophagus has grown 3-4 cm and it needs to grow about 1-2 more cm. The surgeons will perform another endoscopy April 11th to measure again how long or short the gap is. We're hoping to be home with our baby by May 1st, but ya know, could take longer. So if you see me out mowing lawns this summer you'll know I'm doing it to help pay off our million-dollar baby. I love him so much, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Like I said, he's my world, and the joy he has brought into our lives is purely euphoric. As much as I hate the circumstances, I don't want this time to end. I love the fragile first few months and I'm so glad I was able to be here with him.
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Soo...Rewind to December 28th.
I was a month away from my original due date. I had an appointment with Dr. Cox and all went well until he measured my belly. He was concerned with how big I was measuring for 35 weeks. I of course instantly thought it was because I was carrying twins. Ha! He scheduled me for an ultrasound to double check that the baby was ok. I wasn't too worried. Ha again! So I went home to take a nap, then went back to the office with my mom this time. During the ultrasound, everything looked great. Just one baby. My heart dropped slightly. But the baby looked healthy and active, which is all I needed to know. Just as we were wrapping things up, the ultrasound technician noticed the baby didn't have a visible stomach. In fact, not once in the 30 mins did she notice amniotic fluid being swallowed. So she kept me for another hour to carefully watch his swallowing and trace the amniotic fluid. An hour later, he hadn't swallowed anything and his belly never filled with fluid. That probably meant there was a blockage somewhere. Not exactly sure, she then referred me to a perinatologist (high-risk specialist) at the University of Utah Medical Center to get a better idea of what was wrong. To say the least, this turned my world upside down. Just as soon as I was starting to feel better, I get this news. Two days later Taylor and I go see the doctor in Utah. Long story short, he basically tells me to plan on staying in Utah until the baby comes because I was then considered "high-risk" and the baby probably, most likely, had Esophageal Atresia. Good news about EA is it's completely fixable and there was nothing to be worried about. Completely, 99.9% fixable. Thank goodness. Ha!
I packed my bags and left Pocatello on January 4th with my mom. Luckily we had an awesome place to stay for the 6 weeks we were expecting to be here. Ha Ha. Six weeks! So I lounged around for a week. Because I was retaining A LOT of amniotic fluid, I was Huge. Ginormous. I had a snail's pace and slept very poorly because I couldn't breathe easily. My next appointment was January 10th with the specialist. The first thing out of his mouth was "you're huge. you're as big as a house. let's get you induced tonight." UMM Two weeks early!? OK! Sure!
So, that's the reader's digest version of learning that our lives would never be the same.
I won't divulge into the actual birth story, because it was a nightmare.
So our precious baby Sawyer Jackson Grow was born January 12, and he did indeed have Esophageal Atresia. By the way, we decided on the name the night before he was born. We are so indecisive, but Sawyer felt right. I got to hold him about an hour after he was born. I looked horrible, but hey, I had been through hell to get him here. I was beyond happy to finally meet him. NOTHING compares to the first moments they place your child in your arms. NOTHING. He had a suction in his mouth to suck out spit since he couldn't swallow. He was asleep and calm. I kissed his little head and face until I had to hand him back to the nurse so they could wheel me back to the recovery room. That was the beginning of me having to surrender my child to a nurse's care, but only for 6 weeks, right?
The first week was a blur. I just remember the doctors and nursing staff giving us an abundance of information to process, and I was just trying to get over the fact that I had just been cut in half to get a little person out of my body. I lost 40 lbs in the first two weeks, which apparently was all amniotic fluid weight. It felt good to have my body back. We received the news that Sawyer had Long Gap Esophageal Atresia, so if you want to google it, you can learn more about it. It's the least common type of EA, and a pain in the butt in the sense that we'd have to stay in the hospital to let his esophagus grow long enough before it can be fixed. So all that talk of 6 weeks was a bunch of crap, as we are going on 10 weeks, with at least another 6 to go. The average stay in the NICU is 3-4 weeks. Multiply that by 3 and that's what we get to endure.
You know when you expect to be able to bond with your newborn after you spend 9 months carrying them around in your womb? You know how you don't expect to see your baby hooked up to several machines with an IV line in their tiny hand? It sucks in ways I never expected it to suck, on top of having to deal with his condition. It took about three weeks, but I was finally able to really bond with Sawyer, able to really hold and cuddle him. The first time his eyes got huge when he heard my voice was amazing. He knows and needs and prefers his mommy. That's been the crescendo to this whole experience. I have officially assigned myself as his "nurse." First thing in the morning, around 8 or 9 am, I am at his bedside and the nurses know that I stay all day, only taking breaks to pump, eat, or to leave during mandatory shift-changes where parents aren't allowed in the rooms. Even though I get to go home and sleep uninterrupted during the night, it's pretty rough walking away from him night after night.
Longest post ever. sorry. He was born 5 lbs 2 oz and currently weighs 8 lbs 3 oz. His esophagus has grown 3-4 cm and it needs to grow about 1-2 more cm. The surgeons will perform another endoscopy April 11th to measure again how long or short the gap is. We're hoping to be home with our baby by May 1st, but ya know, could take longer. So if you see me out mowing lawns this summer you'll know I'm doing it to help pay off our million-dollar baby. I love him so much, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Like I said, he's my world, and the joy he has brought into our lives is purely euphoric. As much as I hate the circumstances, I don't want this time to end. I love the fragile first few months and I'm so glad I was able to be here with him.
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first stretch of the 26 hr labor
full head of hair!
they let me hold him a few days after he got a g-tube
how sawyer gets his nutrition
changing his diaper
working with physical therapist
loves LOVES dad
some of his outfits are ridiculously adorable
suction was moved to his nose so he could enjoy sucking his binkie
IV in his hand before surgery to fix pyloric stenosis.
Friday, February 11, 2011
announcing our newest addition
We had our baby four weeks ago. It's still too soon for me to talk about, but to say he is my world is an understatement.