I needed this

As I mentioned in the Baby Blog (<--), we came home June 16th, 2011. Almost two months has passed and I haven't had a chance to sit down and give my momma blog some lovin'.

I love being a mom. I love the schedule. I don't get tons of sleep, but I love having the day to myself and Sawyer. First time in my life I haven't worked and/or gone to school. Do I miss it? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get antsy and look for jobs online or look at classes for school to sign up for, and after a few minutes I realize I'm a stay at home mom for the time being. Classes and jobs will always be there. These moments with Sawyer as an infant won't. He needs me. I need this. I spent the last year either really sick, in school, or living alone in SLC for 5 months waiting to take my baby home. I am allowing myself to take a break and be "just a mom."

I love not being sick. I had to speak in church last Sunday and the topic was "Be of Good Cheer." I thought at first I could relate it to how I had to be happy and cheerful while in the hospital because it was either be happy or be grumpy, so I chose happy. And I'm glad I did. But as I read the article, it focused more on the atonement, and thoughts of my experience last summer flooded into my mind. Despite my goals to be strong, I bawled during the talk. But I gained closure on why I had to be so ill for so long. After Sawyer was born, I experienced a happiness and joy I have never known before, and I will experience that happiness forever more.

I love being a homemaker. I read DIY blogs ALL DAY LONG! I fantasize about the cape-cod style home I will hopefully create in a 1970's orange brick house with zero character on a modest budget. I still daydream about living in the house we lived in prior to this one. That house had character and didn't need as much work as ours now. If it's for sale when our 1 1/2 years is up, we're buying it. Even though our house is decent and finally livable, I'm counting down the days until we can move out.

I love feeling needed, by my husband and Sawyer. I cook and clean and do laundry all day long. It's always been something I particularly love to do. I reward myself with an occasional schmear from 5th Street Bagelry. Nothing compares to 5th Street Bagelry.

I love watching Gone With the Wind in installments. 30 Rock, the Office, Backyardigans, and Ally McBeal.

I love to get back in touch with friends and keep in touch with friends from Primary's. Never before have I valued my friendships as much as I do now. It's awesome that I can text my primary nurses if I have a question or just want to say Hi. I have an awesome support system.

I love our ward, and I love that church is a 30 second drive from home. The grocery store is 2 minutes away. Taylor's carpool meeting place is 5 minutes away. We are never too far from home at any given time.

I love summer, but I love that it's almost Fall and Winter. The prospects of staying inside where it's warm and safe and listening to Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles all day sound wonderful to me.

I love that Sawyer jabbers and giggles. I love when he smiles while he's drifting off to sleep, as if to say, "I love sleep soo much!!" I love daydreaming about our next baby, come sickness or high water or birth anomaly, it's gonna happen. I daydream about being able to breastfeed our next baby and be able to hold him/her close without wires or g-tubes in the way. Sometimes I daydream about a natural home birth, given I don't have polyhydramnious and can do a VBAC.

I love you five or six faithful readers who have encouraged me and gotten me through the past year. I vowed that I would return the favor for those who helped me through my first two trimesters but helping other pregnant moms out. It seriously made a huge impact on me. Thank you then and thank you now.

I am in a happy place. The church is true. Amen.