this one will probably bore you, don't feel bad if you can't get through it

This current song, Sweet Disposition, haunts me.

It reminds me of Bon Iver's Lump Sum, my sorta theme song from last summer.

Coincidence, Sweet Disposition came from the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack, and Lump Sum came into my life last summer, which almost felt like 500 days.

I miss last summer. Almost makes me cry when I think about the time I had, just me and Jonas in an apartment, completely away from family or close friends. Completely. My laptop kept two tabs open constantly: projectplaylist.com and blogspot.com, going back and forth listening to whatever song I was in the mood for.

I wrote a lot. I kept an online journal when I was emotionally exhausted from being alone all day. I sometimes go back and read those, remembering that specific day's events, what I was wearing, what Tv shows I watched. It's all tucked away deep in my brain and now when I sit down to reflect on my life, I think back to those precious days of desperately wanting to run to Idaho and barge through people's doors and hold them in my arms.

I missed my loved ones. I gained a huge appreciation for them and their efforts for treating me better than I treated them sometimes.

I miss the heat of the sun. The walk to the mailbox everyday at 2 pm, anticipating a letter from home. I miss the guy with a limp who shuffled past my window everyday. I miss the pool and the pretty landscape.

I miss Ina Garten, my temporary mother-figure, on Food Network. Her calming voice and gentle smile lifted me up right at the mid-day break where depression would sometimes filter in. Thank goodness for the sporadic afternoons when Taylor had a break and kept me company. I loved him so much for saving me.

I loved when my sweet niece Elise would call me during her sister's T-ball game. She'll never know how much those phone calls meant to me.

I miss going to Winco with Taylor and buying strawberry leather strips from bulk and eating it all gone by the time we got back. Ordering Pizza Guys at least once a week. The chic Elephant Bar with Johnny and Maren.

And Maren... I miss hanging out with her in the living room, watching TV and Jonas and Tito chase each other in circles. Discussing food, recipes, dogs, roses and butterflies. Okay maybe not the last two, but the conversation was always pleasant and uplifting. Thank you, Maren.

I finally got around to watching (500) Days of Summer and have watched it several times these past few days. It struck a chord with me; the heartache part. Saying goodbye to something you are attached to. Summer. Even if you're better since the transition, there's a sort of longing to find closure so you can really move on.

REALLY MOVE ON.

we left abruptly, and at night, and I didn't get to look back as we drove away, forever. Next thing I knew we were in Twin Falls and I felt like myself again. The smells, the feel of the crisp mountain air at 6:30 in the morning. The twinges of excitement knowing that in less than three hours I would be home sweet home. The familiarity flooding my mind, preoccupied with how I was going to spend my first week at home. I intentionally put my summer on the backburner, because being home was the only thing I could focus on for three months straight.

After my last final this last semseter, I came home, immediately crashed on the couch and drifted off to TV. Somehow, in the blink of an eye, four months passed by.

Memories of a less crazy time began to surface and that was when I realized I had it pretty good this summer. I couldn't help but fall in love with the summer I thought I despised. Take me back! I want my spot by the pool, my special trail that I took Jonas out to pee, and the fragrant floral smell that blanketed the air at dusk back. I want those long walks down Fair Oaks to the park, thinking of things I could make and sell on Etsy back. I want those occasional overcast mornings when I'd eat my breakfast looking out the window, Sunday mornings going to a family ward with kids running around, and late nights watching movies on the living room floor with Taylor. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button changed my life, I remember. So poignant.

yeah, give me a few months and I'll be whining about another time in my life I took for granted then later appreciate because it was simpler then. **sigh**