30 day challenges are kinda hard

I'm so much happier being Private you have no idea!! I sleep much better at night. So Sawyer has had his BIG surgery and is on a breathing tube and heavily sedated at the moment. Sunday morning, at 8:00 am, they wheeled him into the operating room. At 9:30 the surgeon (love him) came back to tell us the magnets just aren't going to work. His esophagus ends don't line up and the tissue is thicker than anticipated. We gave it a good effort, but he had no other choice but to cut Sawyer open and put him together sans magnets. As hard as that was for us to accept, Taylor and I are just ready to get him fixed. It took 6 hours plus one hour to get him settled into his bed space and hooked up to the bedside machines. So we were finally able to see him around 3:30 pm. Taylor had to work today, so at 6:30 he blessed him, got in his car and drove back home, wiping tears from his eyes.

The game plan as we know it is as follows: Keep him heavily sedated (paralyzed) for 5 days, let him wake up on his own, take him off the breathing tube either this Friday or Saturday, do a contrast study to see if he swallows dye correctly, if he passes then we can introduce the bottle, starting at low volumes and working to a full feed. When he can take a full feed in one sitting, then we can freakin' go home. So we're talking, like, two or three more weeks. That's like a blink of an eye compared to what I'm used to. The clouds just opened up and a ray of sunshine is bursting through this rainy Memorial Day. Memorable indeed.

brief pause from 30 day challenge

I've been meaning to go private for a while. Especially since I've had a baby. But I didn't want to exclude anybody and wanted to create a friendly forum that everyone and anyone could access and enjoy.

I never realized how sacred privacy is until now. It is HUGE here at Primary's. Everybody is hush-hush about patient information and it's an unwritten rule that privacy is upheld and respected. Don't ask, don't tell basically.

I have found some people are curious about what's happening with Sawyer and although I appreciate their concern, it sometimes comes across as intrusive. I canceled my Facebook account thinking that would solve that little problem. But that didn't quite work. I've learned that random people are telling other random people information from reading my blog and I just decided to cut my losses and go Private. So here goes.

Sawyer's repair surgery was yesterday, May 27th. It was supposed to be June 1, and Japanese surgeons were supposed to come watch, but they didn't have enough frequent flyer miles so they decided not to come after all. It took about two hours, but it was successful. The magnets attached the two ends, so it was only a matter of waiting a few days for the two ends to fuse together by force.


We received a call early this morning from Sawyer's surgeon. Sometime in the night or morning, the magnets came apart, so we have to try to align them again, but this time keep Sawyer heavily sedated for 4 or 5 days so they don't loosen or separate. He doesn't go in to get that done until tomorrow (Sunday) morning. For now, we are snuggling him and trying to keep him happy and comfortable with magnets lodged in his two ends. Since this is a fairly new procedure (Sawyer is one of the first babies in the world to have this done), there is a lot of trouble-shooting taking place. If at the end of the day the magnets won't hold or keep coming apart, then we will resort to conventional surgery, which is by far more intrusive and serious. I have faith in our surgeon, that he will do what's best for our child and do it in a timely manner that allows us to take him home and care for him at home.

A picture and a letter

Dear food,

Remember that time I got sick whenever I tried to eat anything substantial? That was a really, really, really hard time for me, because not only did I love you, I needed you. It's not your fault that I kept throwing you up. Don't feel bad. Since January 13th, 2011 we have been on awesome terms. We meet up about 10 times a day and I am making up for lost time and wasted memories of what could have been a great, calorie-filled summer, complete with fourth of july bbq's, family reunions, and everyday outings to the restaurants I love. I am currently eating Swedish Fish, because I can, and because they are delicious. They fill my heart with joy and give me the energy to provide nourishment for my baby in the NICU. (Don't know if you heard my baby is in the NICU). Thank you, food, for pulling through and renewing my belief in your healing powers. Thank you for grilled cheese sandwiches and fried zucchini, two of my faves right now. I'm so thankful to be able to enjoy your existence again. God speed.

Forever yours,
Vanessa

smittenkitchen.com

a picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Japan has been on my mind a lot lately. I should probably go.

a picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

I love you TJG

a picture of your biggest insecurity

talking behind people's backs

a picture of someone who inspires you

My sister is my go-to for everything. Whenever I think life is hard, I remember that hers is infinitely harder, yet she doesn't ever complain. Ever. I really look up to her, even though I'm slightly taller than her. I know I'm hilarious.

a picture of your favorite band or artist

a picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

I'm not sure if this even applies to me right now in my life. But in highschool I was always doing stupid crap and I would show a picture of the person I did it with, but she would kill me if she accidentally came across this post....so instead I'm going to post a picture of a van we saw in the parking garage packed to the max with precious cargo. 

a picture of something you love

I gave up my Diet Coke habit, and picked this one up instead. Can you blame me? Stuff is delicious.

a picture of something you hate

I hate styrofoam

a picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Both of my parents are simply amazing. I think in the last year, however, my dad has been there through thick and thin. He has given me strength through his example and by the blessings of his priesthood powers. He visits us every Sunday and gives Taylor and I relief from the hospital while he holds Sawyer so lovingly. Sometimes just knowing your daddy is proud of you can make anything less..........miserable. Who doesn't love getting a dozen kirspy kreme donuts every Sunday? Thanks dad for all you do!

a picture that makes you laugh

a picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Looks like fun to me.

a picture of your most treasured item

This ring stuck out to me while trying to decide which ring to commit to. I am so indecisive and really attracted to simple jewelry, but I knew this was the one because the triple diamonds on both sides reminded me of a ring I received when I was a younger girl. Unfortunately I lost that ring in my parent's backyard after only having it for a few days. So I went with this ring and every time I look at it I get the biggest smile. Fortunately I have not lost it and I hope to never ever ever ever let it out of my sight.

a picture of your favorite memory

I remember one spring morning while backing out of the driveway to go to school, I got a quick glance of the tulips popping open. In that moment I realized that this has been one of the best places I've lived. There was a strong sense of routine, peace and stability there. For the first time in my life, I dare say, everything was perfect. Whether it was the view from the backyard, the vent in the bathroom that blasted warm air on cold winter mornings, or the kitchen I actually made dinner consistently in, living here was one my most favorite memories in my life. 

a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

"This Woman's Work"

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now. 

a picture of your night

a picture of the cast of your favorite show

It was a toss up.

I LOVE Felicity the most, Sex and the City as well, definitely LOST, Veronica Mars, Project Runway, and so on...but I can always count on F-R-I-E-N-D-S to make me laugh/smile.

a picture of you and the person you've been closest to for the longest

I quit facebook. blogger FTW

We found out this week that we will be spending more time than expected here. I'll expand more on that later. Don't worry--it is for a really good reason. But I need to fill my time doing fun things so that time flies. So I'm doing.....drumroll please..............The 30 Day Challenge.

Day 1. A picture of yourself with ten facts.

1. I am the middle child
2. I love cathedrals
3. I can do the splits
4. I admire people with a quiet confidence
5. I'm thrifty
6. I quit my diet coke habit
7. I've been told I look like a deer (yes the animal)
8. I like the smell of coffee and cigarettes.
9. I am a patient person
10. I want to have another baby....soon.